A recent article in a traditional
conservative women’s magazine was entitled “One man’s confession: “I’m happily
married…and I watch porn.” It was written anonymously of course, and the author
thinks he is really quite a decent guy. He didn’t claim to be a Christian, but reliable
statistics say that “1 out of every 3 men in America has an ongoing relationship
with pornography.”[1] And the
author in question actually quotes Ph.D.s who say they see no link between pornography
and being unfaithful; basically they see nothing to worry about. Whoaa! It’s
time to start speaking truth to ourselves.
The man in question has a moral
problem. He filibusters around it, deceiving himself that he is doing no harm,
blind to the possibility that his feelings/desires will crescendo. He is a
promise/covenant breaker with no respect for his victims, a man blinded by the
darkness of his own lusts. He is a possible homewrecker, ignorant of the perils
of trying to fill a bottomless pit.
What a very different picture this
would be should the man repent and choose the Christian walk. Then he could be
challenged to take his feelings to Scripture and have them named (lust, pride,
etc.). Once named, he could no longer plead innocence. He is being deceived
into thinking that such feelings can be innocent, but Scripture could set him
right – some yearnings are blessed and some are forbidden.
Job could be a wonderful mentor for
this man. Job saw the brilliant results of being in/under covenant: “I have
made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?” (Job 31:1).
It is remarkable that such a simple yet profound answer would solve the
writer’s problem. Ah, yes, but it would require obedience.
There is so much help from those
who have gone before us. Ps. 101:2b-4: “I will lead a life of integrity in my
own home. I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar…I will reject
perverse ideas and stay away from every evil.” 1 Cor. 6:12 – “You may say, ‘I
am allowed to do anything.’ But I reply, ‘Not everything is good for you. And
even though ‘I am allowed to do anything,’ I must not become a slave to
anything.”
These very telling words were heard
in the movie, ‘Fireproof’: “A parasite is anything that latches onto you or
your partner and sucks the life out of your marriage. They’re usually in the
form of addictions, like gambling, drugs, or pornography. They promise pleasure
but grow like a disease and consume more and more of your thoughts, time, and
money. They steal away your loyalty and heart from those you love. Marriages
rarely survive if parasites are present. If you love your spouse, you must
destroy any addiction that has your heart. If you don’t, it will destroy you.”[2] 
Sin, when it is indulged in this
way, is defiling, whether the sinner knows it or not. This man has the gall to
say that his is a relatively healthy secret. He is glad that his wife does not
know. But character is who you are when no one is looking; and for the
Christian it is remembering Whose you are. The concept of “putting on”
restraint and other good qualities and “putting off” unholy and forbidden
actions is crucial to the choices we make. And casting off restraint is not a
good condition to be in (Pro. 29:18).
A wise person has put it this way:
“Sin will take you further than you want to go, keep you longer than you want
to stay, and cost you more than you want to pay.” It is the old rule that ‘who
feeds you – owns you.’
1 John 2:216 – “For the world
offers only the lusts for physical pleasure, the lust for everything we
see…These are not from the Father. They are from this evil world.”
But the good news is this: “… if you do sin, there is
someone to plead for you before the Father” (1 John 2:1). There is no need to
live with sin or with guilt. The most blessed provision has been made for us,
and Jesus’ yoke is gentle as well as dependable. What relief there is to pull into
this safe harbor!
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